“The natives in the Amazon still have a few gems clutched in their fists, boys! Let’s go pogo stick them in the fucking brain pans and relieve them of those riches!”

During these, the end times of the United States of America, let’s celebrate the ruling class’ victory over the American Dream by taking a look back at the most lovable oligarch Duckberg ever produced. Well, “lovable” in that while he is a seething and enthusiastic wealth accumulator and virulent racist he’s also a pretty cute little duck guy. His nemesis, Glomgold, can be described exactly the same way.

“Gimme them webbed beauties”
Those Beagle Boys remind me of Deviant Artists when
they get a glimpse of this aging duck’s tootsies.

Invading other countries to commit mass genocide in order to satiate bottomless and malignant avarice is a time honored tradition here in the Empire, so it stands to reason that the mirror Duckburg holds up to our “society” would feature an oligarch as the main protagonist.(and antagonist. this game is about two rich guys who wanna increase their wealth. that’s the story, that’s all there is)

You can also hop around on Scrooge’s cane like a pogo stick, which is very cool. And the moon music makes you feel like a bad ass rockstar like Grim Reaper or even Mr. Big as you jam out in your bedroom long after you were supposed to be asleep.

I first played the Ducktales game in 1990 at my buddy Aaron’s house. It was a sleepover at his house and a few of our buddies got to stay the night. It was a night of many important firsts for me. First time I saw Robocop, Indiana Jones, and the Last Crusade, the first time I played Duck Tales, and the first time I ever faked a heart condition to be excluded from rough housing with other boys.

It’s not that I was a weakling, it’s just that I got winded easily and didn’t like to get hurt because pain was and is a major drag.

Although as an old man I am now inconstant pain and I would give anything to be able to have a good natured living room floor Boy’s Tumble, those days are past and all I can do is look back at them with a sort of melancholy nostalgia. I really miss the late 80s and early 90s although I was being served up ass kickings pretty regularly. I mean, I was getting into all kinds of fights. No Big Deal to a kid like me who hadn’t figured out yet that a fake heart condition could save you from a pounding about 40% of the time, depending on the level of psychotic malice of the day’s bully. I was a real fighter in those days if getting punched a lot while pleading to stop being punched counts as fighting.

So anyway that night after Aaron’s parents went to bed it was time to activate our secret sect, known as Bat Club.
Bat Club was the club we had created and I had initiated into by leaping from the top floor of Aaron’s garage down onto the main floor. It hurt like a mother and my shins were sore for days but after that I proved my worth to the Bat Club just like Indy proved his worth in the leap from the Lion’s Head.

So that night, Bat Club swung into action and we snuck out of the house and walked to the nearby park. It was pretty late, around 11, and the only people there were a few teens making out on one of the benches under the shelter. It wasn’t a big deal, I knew what making out was already having seen it in my favorite movie Untamed Heart starring Marissa Tomei and Christian Slater. I even think Rosie Perez got the “and” credit on that one. Check it out.

So yeah, I was NO stranger to the way of making out with a lover. I even hoped to try it one day myself back then.

Sorry but I can’t stop thinking about what they do to scrooges feet online

But it wasn’t long until the night took a turn for the worse. We eventually noticed a third party at the park, an older guy who was standing off by himself. We didn’t realize what he was doing at first but it became clear pretty quick that he was “bopping the one mouthed salami eel with the five fingered discounter” while watching the teens rub their tongues and teeth against each other. It was dark but that was my understanding of what making out was at the time.

My buddy Eric who was staying the night with us started dying laughing and before anyone could say anything he shrieked “HEY THAT GUY IS JACKING OFF AT YOU” to the teens.

The teens and the masturbatesman both turned to look at us across the park and I’ll admit, the scrutiny in this situation was more than I could bear and I bolted like a middle aged man who just got busted milking his pink mushroom at a couple of teens. I was OUT. I ran so fast I forgot that we had hopped a low hanging chain that signaled the park was technically closed and ran straight into it, tripping and sending myself sailing into the gravel on the other side of the chain.

I was certain the masturbator was right behind us, I didn’t look back as my friends laughter echoed behind me.

The good news of this review is that by the time they came home and told me about how the teens had already seen the jack offer and didn’t care I was already Transylvania deep into duck tales about to fight the sultry Majicka Despell, a Duck lady who turned into a flying bird but weirdly not just a duck but like a crow or something.
It was definitely weird but I did develop a bit of a crush on her at the time. I did get better from that condition eventually, but I am not afraid to admit that I have had that illness.

That is why I give Duck Tales a 9 out of 10.

caw! mr nintendotapes thought I was a cutie 34 years ago!
Hope he got better from that disease! caw caw

“We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.”

LOL

ain’t that the truth. but guess what. with time travel, you can just restore everything that got taken. like my metallica black cd in 1991. i even knew the thief he was a bully of mine and i said i know you took it and he just said “so” like he was daring me to go tell. i just went home and listened to use your illusions instead. oh well. guns and roses was cool back then so it was fine. axl loves reggae so he is still cool too.

anyways, with time travel u can right the wrongs of the past and even be friends with a cool frog along the way. that’s why today’s review is Chrono Trigger.

i know time only travels forward but what if u got a do over thanks to some quantum leap style scenario? would u refuse to ask melanie to the dance even tho u will always wonder if she would say yes? and maybe alter the time flow in your favor? perhaps u could mr. destiny things so that u didnt take the swing so now when your 46 again things wont feel so awful inside bc your afraid of everything haha. just thoughts on mr. destinying ur life to be good and not bad hahaha.
i guess that is the opposite of mr destiny. maybe im thinking of mr. baseball that was a good movie too.

So what makes chrono trigger so special? it has great graphics, perfect music, a fun story where u alter the time flow to save the world, cool characters and even some cute characters. and many swords and magics and villains.

but what makes me like the game so much is you can go back to the past and change something small then go back to the present right after you do it and see how your change affected life in the present. very cool. and the art was designed by the dragons balls guy, so thats’ awesome too.

the art is drawn by akira torayama and its gorgeous. in the present day some people choose to draw them without shoes and i dont have an official opinion on that because i get enough hate mail already.

some days i wish i could get my grubby hands on the epoch time flyer from chrono trigger and zip my way back to the early 90s.

i could hang out with all my buds again (if i took the form of my younger self, in this mind scenario i do) watch some are you afraid of the darks, eat bagel bites, rock out to iron maiden while whipping byron’s ass so hard at street fighter 2 that he tears the shit out of his bedroom while screaming again lmao.

but most importantly i would tell myself DO NOT ask melanie to dance!!!! because my heart would break the same way it did during my first viewing of UNTAMED HEART starring marissa tomei and christian slater when i was 14 and i cried really hard when he died at the end of a bad heart. just like how it felt inside when melaney laughed at me. haha. and when i was done fixing that mistake of the past i could just chill with mom and dad because then we would be basically adults and i could see if we would have been buddies.

and i would avoid having a w*t dream on the living room floor while we were all watching Roseanne one evening in 1990 and when i woke up my parents faces were like stone carvings. you could have bounced a brick off em swear to god.

why does living have to be so weird on planet earth sometimes i feel just like mr. baseball when he first got to japan and everything felt out of place and strange.

sorry i had a wet dre*m on the living room floor when i was 13 mom and dad sorry you had to pretend everything was normal when i woke up. oh god mr baseball please help me go back and fix this.

so that is the tale of chrono trigger, the game that came out in 1995. i pre-ordered it at the local game store and ended up becoming life long buds with the guy who worked there which was cool. and the cool thing about friends is you never have to tell them about what you did on the floor in 1990 while the family was watching Roseanne. you dont have to tell anyone and i never will.

even though accidents happen, according to your therapist last week when you brought it up because once again you were crying over it but this time it was because she asked if u had any good memories of living at home. and that accidents arent anyones fault but u did see her lip twitch a bit to keep herself from laughing so you tell me who is to blame here.

time is wildly complex so here is a diagram of how it works.

That is why my official score of the classic Tape of Chrono Trigger is 10/10. Because it give me hope that one day i can either travel backward to restore my lost spine or be destroyed by a time paradox either way the slate gets wiped lmao

damn just listen to the corridors of time music! and imagine me keeping my mouth shut when melanie laughed at her friends joke and my heart leaped to my throat lmao because that will fix this time slip and then i can be the hero…of my own life.

LMAO

To old people, tapes can be many things. Like HAM Radio or Snoozin In The Recliner.
To Aunt Nary, tapes were Lover Books, which created scenario’s within her mind that I don’t want to think about anymore. In this world in which we live there are many things that can Frighten.

On to the Review.
(names have been changed to protect the innocent or in this case the guilty)

*guilty of harboring Lover Books

Example of the “absolute treasure trove” (according to my sister) of Lover Books we found in the basement at Aunt Nary’s during the wake.

While I was busy in the 80s learning the ins and outs of whipping ass of true villains like Donkey Kong or Bowser or the brick walls in Wrecking Crew, Aunt Nary seems to have been “battling demons of her own.”

The demon of lust according to Uncle Harnold after we showed him the box of Lover Books we found.

Examle of Uncle Harnold’s Distress upon being handed a particularly incriminating titled Lover Book
(Under the Bodice, Over the Mattress)

My sister was pretty excited when she showed Uncle Harnold who got even sadder and asked what the hell we were doing down there, anyway. We told him we got bored of looking at Aunt Nary laying in her coffin so we explored her relics and treasures in the basement and how we found this box tucked away under the stairs.
He said “Just take em” and I said “ok, we can put them on a book sale maybe” and my sister hit my arm and said “You’re fucking crazy”
The rest of the afternoon was spent playing some Baldur’s Gate while mom and my sister went through the box all excited while occasionally stopping to show each other their finds and exclaiming: “ooh! this looks like a good one.”

I don’t see all the fuss about these Lover Books, U can see movies of this on showtime at night its called Lady Chatterly and let me tell u, it made me blush lmao

Uncle Harnold called mom the next day and she told us we can’t come over to the 5th day of the wake because we were “an upsetting presence” and “Aunt Nary needs to be consecrated in peace” and that must be upsetting because I could hear Uncle Harnold crying thru the reciever.
That’s fine Aunt Nary once spilled a full pot of boiling covvee on my head
(see my review for “And You Shall Rest Your Head on Your Parent’s Grave” here: https://mrnintendotapes.com/?p=688 for more information on that trauma)
(warning, first review where website feature ‘cussing’ was implemented)
which was fine with me, I was done looking at Aunt Nary’s coffin and eating ten pastas anyway. Motherfucker.

There was even ones like this and I don’t wanna even think about this anymore.

Anyways as u can clearly see, tapes can come in all shapes and sizes and cause many emotions. In Aunt Nary, that emotion was called “a way to avoid having anything to do with me in the bedroom. she could touch those books all day and never want to touch me” according to Uncle Harnold which he whispered to me in the basement that day while holding my fore arm too tight and blowing his whiskey breath in my face.

Him: I love your wide-vest, its so soft.
Her: (thought) get me the fucking hell out of here.

Well now Aunt Nary is resting peacefully unless Lover Books are a hell thing if there is even a hell which i cant really say. I get this cold feeling that im all alone a lot when im trying to go to sleep like there is a void out there or maybe even just inside me lmao who knows just night time thoughts.

anyway, I don’t like Lover Books, I accidentally read one when I was 11 called The Pack and it was about a pack of killer dogs who ate all these people and then did sex stuff with a lady before eating her and I stopped reading because it was the worst thing I ever read. I wish Chace Mcatee never told me to read it what a loser.

That is why I give Dead Aunt Nary’s’ Lover Books a 0/10 a first time non existent score here on the ol website.
Here on the ol information world wide web lmao

DID U KNOW?

i can be found on internet sites.
http://www.instagram.com/mrnintendotapes
http://www.twitch.tv/mrnintendotapes
https://bsky.app/profile/mrnintendotapes.bsky.social

i offer many services on these sites. check me out and lets hang.

I got the bobby’s called on me for trying to review this so when i get all legal issues cleared I will re-upload this review. My apologies to bucking ham and all royalties.

sorry its been a tough year but reviews are coming back in due time i just have some hurdles to clear up and i got a cease and desist to figure out what that is from nintendo. because they “dont like” what i do with “their” name.

I will never stop trying to teach u the power of mind friends.

do not torment me any longer, Strong MS. Pac-man!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i told u were thru….

There are many ways to not be lonely. But it is ur own path to find it. I can teach u MindFriends but its NOT cheap and u can NOT date Bob from bubble bobble mind friend!!!!!!!!!!
have a happy labor day.

This is my new comic strip which is featured here on my cool nintendo tapes review site. I need more content and remembered that I am a kick ass artist with deep thoughts.

the classic mario problem…..,,,,

this strip made me remember some dreams i had and how my wife was upset when i told her that in my dreams i am only pregnent mario and ONLY pregnant mario!!! so it made me have sad memories. that is why i give my own comic strip 1 out of 10 stars. thank u for reading.

Did you ever get a disease? Maybe you got a mump. Maybe you got a cold or flu. Could be that you have an existential dread or anxiety. Or Swampfoot. The Shakey Jakes. Scooter’s Pie. Bone Fever. The Toledo Monsieur. Or even Melaney’s Apology.

These are all kinds of disease. When you get a disease the best thing you can do is go to a doctor. But guess what. Not all doctors are “the good guy” and (according to Nintendo) some are actually full time plumbers who put on a lab coat and old timey doctor headband and say “my ego is so inflated i’ll just be a fuck*in’ doctor, too” and start randomly throwing pills around.
Sure why not. I guess. That’s why today’s review is the nintendo tape Dr. Mario.

See how happy he is? thats cause he isnt a real doctor!!!! hes happy because he can do whatever he wants and still get a sick ass DEVO theme song!!!!!!

So after mario woke up from the nightmare he had in Super Mario Bros. 2, he decided he wanted to try a new profession due to a crippling case of the midlife crisis. Plumbing gave him bad dreams of Wart and Snifit and Birdo so he figured “I’ll be a doctor and cure disease and in that way come to terms with my own terrible demons” which would be fine but I don’t think he went to medical school at all. He just like, hung out with mushroom people and princess toadstool when she wasn’t being kidnapped or whatever. Probably he had a crush on her and was afraid to write it down in his diary because then someone could read it and tell her. Probably Ellis. I mean Toad. Sorry dont know why I said Ellis.

In 1993 Ellis was over at my house playing a super nintendo tape (UN squadron) (i was the nintendo tape kid after all, had at least one of them at all times, even rented them a lot on weekends) and i got really sick after eating BIGFOOT PIZZA that mom got us. It went through me like a greek spear through the side of a horse thrown by hercules. So i was on the toilet for a long time. When i came back to my room ellis was laughing so hard he had tears running down his cheeks. I asked what was so funny and when he saw me he started laughing EVEN HARDER. He held up my DIARY and i SAW RED. Iou know how people say they see red when they get mad? it is real. I think that rage makes all the blood shoot up to your head and makes you see the blood pulsing through your eyeballs.

I was so mad that everything i saw was through a red filter! I told him to get out, i was screaming at him to get out!! And never ever EVER return. He left without even saying anything just kept laughing. BETRAYER. Both Ellis AND bigfoot pizza!!!!

thanks asshole

When Ellis left I picked up my diary or I mean journal because that is more tough sounding and my dad would have called me a girl if he heard me slip and say diary. Sorry dad I’m sorry. Idk why but in those days things made you a girl or a boy if you did or said certain things. People miss the 90s but they kind of sucked bc of stuff like that even though Are U Afraid Of The Dark was pretty good.

Anyways I picked up my diary and it was closed so i had no idea what part he was laughing at but no matter what it was i knew this was going to be bad come Monday. I tried to play sick but by this time mom was wise to my tricks so off to school i went. “Cool.” I mean its not like I wasnt used to this by now anyway.
What’s one more bullying amongst foundations.

Well on monday as soon as I got in line outside before the bell rang, people were already laughing at me and the only person who was not laughing or at least snortling and trying not to laugh was this girl in my grade named Melaney. So right away i knew what Ellis did. He read the part where i talked about how much i liked her and how if her house caught fire I would save her and her family all by myself and be the hero and stuff like that and he told her and everyone else.

She lived on our block, she moved to our neighborhood in 1991 when we were 14 and the first day i met her walking her dog down my street, I thought she was the coolest and funniest and prettiest girl i ever knew. it was summer time so i was just a normal guy to her back then, she didn’t know who i was in school. I mean, like, what people THOUGHT of me. So she would talk to me when i would see her out like I was normal for that whole summer! Which was cool! I never acted weird or gross or told her i thought she was awesome or anything. Just talked to her like a person.

some hack randomly throwing pills at my diseases would be a recurring theme in my life

When I saw her at lunch later that Monday she immediately looked away from me and I got flustered and said “hey sorry about what I wrote I was just writing stuff because I want to be a writer someday and I was just making stuff up and practicing.” and she said “it’s ok” and that was the last time I talked to her until 1995 when we both worked at the same pizza place (not pizza hut, who I still have a grudge against 30 years later) and even then the only things we said were “excuse me” etc when we needed to reach for toppings to make pizza or move past each other.

Anyway i looked her up on social media today and it looks like she got to live a kick ass life with a whole awesome family so in the end I won. and Ellis lost because he spent a lot of the past 30 years going in and out of prison. but i would also like to win by him getting straightened out and having a nice life, too. That would be good.

the diseases from dr. mario are insidious indeed…,.

You see we are all like lightbulbs in a way, sometimes people don’t know how to emit any light but when they figure it out they can shine for the whole rest of their lives and its never too late to hit that switch. It can be hard to find it in the dark, tho, so good luck Ellis maybe someone else’s light can help u find it. They did for me.
And go to hell bigfoot pizza. Crap ass idiot piece of crap.

That is why I give Dr. Mario 1 cured disease out of 10.

If there is a more bad ass name for a tape i want to hear it. So unless you come at me with like Dr. Gravedigger, Esq VS Vampire Bigfoot: Bad Monster Truck Moon Rising, then get out of here, you’re not topping it. So this game better rip hard with a name like that IMO!

Mr.NintendoTapes family UNfriendly new review website feature:

+– ” Cussing. ” –+

That’s right. You all asked for me to stop editing my Cuss Words on the reviews because you’re not “babies” and it makes me look stupid or lame. Those are two things I hate to be so get ready because from now on there WILL be adult language used. No more stars instead of the dirty letters of the word. >:)

A game maker named Tracy made this game. Bad ass title screen.

I came across this tape on twitter this morning and decided to buy it. It is a download only tape so I put it onto my phone but I couldn’t figure out how to play it. When I tried on my computer it just opened something that had like an instruction book. Here I made a video on it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8RAqmSBkeI

new feature on review site: putting nug weed into tapes lmao just kidding it was a prank

ok so I took about a hour and i found out that the instruction book thing is the actual tape. I thought it was like a video game tape. but it isnt it is some kind of playing card tape?? NBD i never reviewed one and i love to try new stuff so i will see what the directions say and try it out but I don’t have high hopes because i wanted to see parents graves but I’m going to have to imagine them instead.

well guess what I already have a good parent grave image made in my mind from when I was 8 years old in 1985 and my aunt mary accidentally dumped a full pot of hot coffee down the top of my head and all over my chest and back and arms and legs and shoes.

You know how you have those “family stories” that everyone will tell each other every time you all get together for thanksgiving or xmas? every single time? well one of the stories all my relatives tell each other about me and laugh like its the first time they ever heard it (its like the trillionth) is called “remember when (mrnintendotapes) got the coffee spilled on him and he screamed bloody murder? lol”

OK well so sorry that a 8 year old screamed “bloody murder” because near boiling coffee was poured all over his body I guess he is a wimpy MORON!!!!!! “LMAO” ! So anyway a aunt is very much like a mom who doesnt live with you or tell you what to do or look disappointed when you don’t bother going to school dances because you’d “just stand there not asking anyone to dance and imagine you’re back home playing Star Tropics anyway”
so I have aunt mary’s grave already fully constructed at this age let me tell you its been a lot of years that i have been meticulously imagining it.

so that is good at least.

a girl name michelle stomped on my feet at my first dance over and over and star tropics did not. you tell me what makes a better friday in 1990 LMBOROTFL

Anyways I sat down and read the instruction book and guess what. It is a card game you play with yourself and then write stories about it every day. I don’t want to go into detail because explaining how a card game works is like giving it away for free. So I will just tell you right now i don’t do anything for fifty days in a row unless i am in a coma or getting paid for it. or like eating or whatever. which pays me in nutrients. so its a hard pass to do this for the whole month and a half but to be fair to the tape i am going to IMAGINE i did and in that way experience it fully. i have explained in past reviews the power of “mind friends” so this will just be an extension of that ability called “mind games” but not the kind that everyone on dating sites says they dont want any of.

Going to play now, be back after the break.

todays sponsor is this. see it live at the carnegie.

and we’re back.

OK first of all you need regular playing cards and all i got are my fortune teller cards. i use them when i want to get pretty sad about my future or even my past or present. i always get the cards of people getting stabbed with swords and shit or cups that are spilled all over so they might as well do me some good for once in my life by helping me play this dead parents tape.

So I made a character because this is a role playing game tape. That is when you make your own character to play so its good you don’t play this game as yourself and imagine your own dead parents. then no one can accuse you of being a weirdo. it is only a game, aunt mary.
so my character was this guy:

Name: Baltus “Scrizzy” Scrizlam of the Raging Storm

Gender: Pirate man (Pirate king man (in secret) )

Greatest Accomplishment: Won the middle school dance contest with his girlfriend who really loves him a lot and thinks hes cool and he loves her too and they even stayed together for their whole lives and were happy forever. They were never lonely or sad even once. all these years later they still look at each other and smile lol.

Greatest Trauma: seen the challenger explode on live tv in the music room at school and was the only one who cried out loud.

Name of parent who just died: Aunt Nary (real name secret because its only a game not real life)

go to hell im calling this a five of diamons

Ok so there is a real secret system that tells you what kind of stuff to imagine and write about for the game. You can tell the creator is a high art kind of person. It’s pretty crazy because you can write some cool stuff. So i did that and i imagined a whole life of me as Scrizzy getting married and being in love even had a kid haha and the music called “fields of gold” by sting played over my imagination and by the end i was crying pretty hard idk why because those are happy thoughts you would think but i guess its just an emotional kind of card tape.

Scrizzy’s main weapon is “arm grinder” which is an invention of mine that is a robot arm that has these metal chompers on it like those videos on instagram where people feed things into these rolling crusher things. Metal barrels, kids bikes, anything they want.
Yeah so I had that for an arm so no one is gonna cross me at all.

Anyway I got to imagine Scrizzy marrying Ashleigh on top of his Aunt Nary’s grave so that was pretty wicked, like some revenge on this evil queen who thought dumping scalding grog on a boy pirate was a hilarious story. I even chomped up her tombstone a little with my arm grinder.

here is what the game screen looks like when youre done:

i got the good ending thank you sting for your beautiful soundtrack

Rest Your Heads on Your Parents Grave i will be honest i don’t think it was for me. it feels like one of those “high concept” things that people talk about and that i dont really understand what they mean. like when you meet someone at a party and they say something like “abstract expressionism is so and so” or say “post modern this and that” and youre like “yeah you’re totally right, ha ha” and you hope they dont expect a follow up because you dont have any idea what they are talking about but you know you better act hip pretty quick or be the dum ass of the party.
thats what this game feels like so i am going to say i understood all the concepts perfectly. and please do not ask any follow up questions.

Even though I conquered it as i do every tape i play, this one had me laying in bed for a few hours and having thoughts that were supposedly really good like being married for my whole life and having a kid, but for some reason it just crashed into me like a skyscraper driving a bullet train into my skull and i locked up and did a sort of quiet scream cry for roughly half an hour so i ordered these really good rosemary crusted boneless wings from the place at the bottom of my hill and those always help after you scream cry over happy thoughts so all in all it turned into a pretty awesome day.

This is why I give And You Will Rest Your Head On Your Parent’s Grave an official rating of 10 Nary Graves out of 10.

i paid for my own copy of this game tape and was not given anything to review it. im not affiliated with anyone who made it and any images for it used here are used under copyright by their owners and used here for review purposes. aka “this isnt mine and im allowed to use a picture because of the law”

Also the game gave me an idea to make my own MrNintendoTapes single player card game because it seems pretty easy to do. So be on the lookout for updates on that in future.

“And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding”

It’s been a minute! I feel the love from all over the planet as I look at my stats and see a person in Ireland checking out the site daily. i got lost inside the void (mind) for a while but I’ve come out the other side full of hot new ideas and even hotter new drugs.

Yes that’s right. Now mr. Nintendotapes official sponsor is medical weed. So now the master level doctor style reviews are going to be even more expertly written because weed makes you better literally at everything. Except swimming idk why. Science hasn’t said.

Thanks to all my readers and all the weeds I take now. “Let’s get back to work” and really try and heal this planet and just vibe together because all we really have is each other and well I want you to have a beautiful life. Because I love you and I love Tapes.

See u later this week. *smoke puff* (disappears into the cloud)

Doctor Spock of Star Treck goes on a mission to Earth of the past in this Top Secret Episode of Stark Trek.

+–special feature for today’s review: the official song for today’s review is “You Were Meant For Me” by Jewel (from CD Pieces of You) so please listen to it on a device or hear it in your mind as you read this. I wrote my review so it would be enhanced by this song. –+

(warning: NOT the song “Foolish Games” by Jewel. I didnt study the effects of that one on the mind with this review. i am not responsIble if you use that song instead. )

A man named Vic Tokai made this tape. I think in japan it was a star treck tape.

Golgo 13: Top Secret Episode is a nintendo tape about what happens when the KGB want to get a thing called “cassandra” i think it is a disease or something it wants to release but Dr. Spock (Star Treck) is pulled back in time ( i think, Phar-Mor didn’t give me instructions when I rented it just the sticker that tells you what the buttons do, no story included in the sticker) to fight them. It was a cool idea but Top Secert Espisode is one of those tapes that told you “many different kinds of gameplay! ” but then it does all of the kinds of gameplay really badly. Like Bayoo Billy.

Spock from the future shoots a normal KGB guy with his phaser. atomized.

There are levels where you walk back and forth and shoot guys with your phaser and atmoize them (controls bad). Then you go into buildings and have to play first person maze levels like in Goonies 2 (confusing).
Then you go into first person shooting areas where you move a target around to shoot guys and bullets coming at you like operation W.O.L.F. (too hard). Then it makes you play underwater levels like ninja turtle (confusing and controls bad and is too hard). Then it makes you fly around in a helicoptor and avoid planes and shoot planes like in choplifter. (boring and slow and hard). Then when you get to your target you have to look through a scope of your gun to find the guy youre’ going to murder, and then you can snipe them from your helicopter. (pretty cool)

later tator.

I rented this tape and me and Byron played it all weekend when we were 12, finally beat it an hour before we had to go to Phar-Mor and return it sunday night before In Living Color came on. I remember the end boss was another awful first person aiming level, and you have to fight this mother brain from metroid. I think it is the same mother brain from that game, this might even be a secret sequel to metroid. which is cool they let them do that it is the only time I know of where star trek and metroid meet in a game.

That would be a good novel. I might ask nintendo and star treck if i can write it for a small fee. like a hunderd thousand dollars only. Anyway you snipe mother brain at the end and your only ending is just writing.”ok you won good job thanks bye” plain boring writing which is the worst ending u can get, especially when its a game you have to use a notepad and map out confusing mazes and crap while arguing with byron about who is better at the aiming levels and getting game overs constantly. You deserve cooler ending than that if you work so hard to win, maybe cool animated explosion scene and dr. spock falling in love and kissing his girlfriend. That would be good.

dr. Spock talks to people at subways. He gets information about his mission but none of it made sense to us. It was probably too grown up for 12 year olds. i think this game had Spock do s*x with a woman in one part when the lights turn out…

dr. spock was one of my mind friends when I was a kid. Mind friends is a Top Secret trick you can learn within your own brain. It is a kind of trick you can do so that you don’t feel lonely. You can even do it as a grown up. But don’t tell people in real life that you made them into mind friends. I told a hollywood director on social media website that i had created a mind friend copy of him in my mind so we could go on adventures in my imagination and maybe in dreams. But when he read it he blocked me. So its ok to do it, just don’t tell the real life versions of Mind Friends about it. They get mad or scared. Even though it doesnt’ use any of their energy up.

just awful. and theres sharks so double awful for having my phobia in it.

Anyway, all you do is pick a famous or cool person, can even be a person from a fictional book or whatever. Then try and imagine them perfectly in your mind, how they talk and walk and laugh and smile, then imagine they are your best friend. When you have the image of them in your mind they can sort of take on a life of there own. But not really. But if you are laying in your bed and youre’ lonely and no one wants to be around you, it is a good way to have fun with a friend! And guess what, that friend is famous or a superhero, whatever you want!

My mind friend based on a real director disappeared from my mind when the real one blocked me though. So i cannot go to more new jersey hocky games with him in my mind and say things like smootchey bootcheys….. But now me and Jewel can be mind friends maybe. Her song’s are very beautiful. And she is wise. But her songs make you cry if your not careful! So be careful.

Mind friends are great fun and in many ways just as good or even better than real ones. Because Mind Friends can never tell you that there are reasons why your girlfriends always leave. They can just tell u cool and good things like how fun it is to hang out with you. Which is aweseome.

That is why I give Gogo 13: The Top Secret Star Treck Episode 10 Pieces of You out of 10.